Three, The Death of the Blue

Elementary School was one hell of a ride. 

I still was a smallest kid in the school. It made me the easiest target for the bullies. It was started around the third grade, I consistently got the best grade among them, and they were not happy with it. They accused my dad had used some kind of black magic to 

Two, The Brightest Blue

The brightest blue in my life was my childhood. I had great friends, they were not many, but they are precious. Green, my classmate in kindergarten who lived 2 kilometer from my house. Yellow, a kid who is one year older than me, lived right behind my house, probably he is the first friend I ever had. Also, I had a friend named Grey, he just moved from Madura, his family rent a house beside my house. Grey also one year older than me, he was Yellow's classmate.

I, Yellow, and Grey loved to play football, cycling ten kilometers just because we could, purposely getting lost just because we loved the thrill of not knowing a way back home. We played like tomorrow never existed. We danced in the rain, smiling and laughing until our throat became sore.

(...to be continued...)

One, the little blue

It was an early summer in 2000. I was only 5, short and skinny, with black hair and brown eyes. I was one of the smallest kids in the kindergarten. I've always loved studying, in fact, one of my favorite toys back then was an encyclopedia book. That's why, I couldn't be more excited for the first day of school.

My mum took me to the school, showed me where my classroom was, then left me because she had to go for work. The desks were arranged to form a big U shape, long seats were positioned right behind the desks. The room was kinda small and the whole thing looked so stuffed. I went inside, then sat randomly on an empty seat at the rightmost of the arrangement.

I was feeling so nervous, there were so many, many kids in one room, and they were so annoyingly noisy. 
My mum would never had a time to do something like that (Well, thank god for that, I was genuinely happy to be left alone back then.)


I did my introduction, followed by clapping from the entire kids in the room. I thought I did okay, though I can clearly feel my voice trembled when I mentioned my name.

I got a new friend. His name is Green. He sat right beside me, he was taller than me, dark skinned, and looked friendly compared to the other wild kids there. We got along pretty well, and became best friend in no time.

Hello, I am blue!

I am blue. A boy who was born in a very conservative family in a little city in East Java, Indonesia. I have three older sisters and one little sister, and yes, I am the only boy in the family. My dad is the most religious person I've ever known till today, although my mum is not as religious as him, she's always been a conservative.

Just like any conservative family, they gave me strict rules, drew lines around me, not allowing me to dare to touch the lines, let alone cross over them. It worked for my sisters, but apparently not for me. I grew up to be more rebellious, and they make it clear that they're not happy with it.

At some points, I'd feel grateful to had a chance to be taught like a conservative. The walls that they built around me is so strong that it would be hard to knock it down. But, deep down, I always feel that they broke me in a way that I would never ever be able to recover.

This blog is my voice, I want to be heard, here, behind the walls.